I had what I would call a productive day last week- as productive as it could be considering the unemployed don’t produce anything (although they do consume).  I received phone calls from two places I had sent my resume and scheduled interviews for both.  One was a non-profit that promotes homelessness.  Or rather, they promote awareness of homelessness.  Although the former is what I first thought it was before I re-read the email.  I thought promoting homelessness would be fun because camping would be involved and I like s’mores.  While I couldn’t have my first choice of promoting homelessness, I settled with the reality that I could promote awareness of homelessness.  Although I have to admit, the homeless are doing a pretty good job promoting themselves.  I once fell for the old, “I just need one more dollar for a cold beer” trick.  After I gave the man my dollar, two people entering the 7-11 behind me fell for the same trick.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt, though that he wasn’t lying to me.  Maybe he needed those dollars for different beers than the one I had sponsored.

So I have digressed from the topic of discussion.  The other phone call I received was from a marketing company.  That should actually read “marketing”…”company.”  So I scheduled an interview, still with some reservations about working in marketing- or for any company that makes a profit.  I woke up the morning of the interview and showered, shaved, cut myself, and ironed the clothes I would wear.  Keeping in mind the secretary’s suggestion of “business professional” attire, I pulled on my slim-fit khakis, a JCrew button-down and tie, and topped it off with my Brooks Brothers blazer.  I also wore shoes.

I arrived at the office of the “marketing company” after an hour-long drive during which I managed to spill coffee on my white shirt- which I would not realize until I was in the “lobby.”  I should explain the quotations marks: the lobby consisted of eight black, aluminum, chairs that might be seen placed against the wall at the DMV.  On the wall in front of me was a lone painting that, I guessed, was purchased at Marshalls (or not purchased at all but rather retrieved from the dumpster behind said Marshalls).  Regardless of its origin, it may have been mistaken as a Van Gogh- if you were extremely drunk and extremely stupid.  Speaking of the guy sitting next to me…

As I walked through the door I immediately knew I had made a mistake.  Besides the obvious lack of décor, there were three other people sitting in the waiting room waiting to be interviewed.  They looked as if they had walked off the pages of the Sears catalog from hell, the way they were dressed.  I was convinced that one of them was a waiter at Olive Garden.  As I sat there waiting, looking far over-dressed for this bourgeois office, the secretary was making phone calls to set-up more interviews- phone calls that sounded eerily similar to the one which I had received.  I thought about walking out, but decided to stick around for the entertainment.  Thank God I made that choice.

After waiting an hour beyond my appointment time, I met with a woman, dressed in a Pants suit (Sears catalog, page 24) and holding a pack of Marlboro Reds that could have possibly been glued to her palm.  I searched around the bare walls of her office with my eyes, looking for a college diploma.  After being unsuccessful, I looked for a High School diploma- no success there, either.  The woman pulled out my resume, and went down the list, muttering to herself, “US House of Representatives, Florida House, Communications Director…”

“Were any of these jobs paid?”

“No.”

“So you have no experience.”

Was that a question or a statement?  I’m not sure, but I was offended and shit was about to go down.

“I wouldn’t say I have no experience.”

I thought about giving her a lecture on the difference between virtue and wealth, and maybe a brief synopsis of Hume’s idea to distribute wealth based on moral worth then reconsidered- remembering I could not find that High School diploma.

“Well, in my opinion internships that don’t pay are not worth the time.”

Ok, it would have been fair to say that I had no “marketing experience.”  I’ll give her that.

“Well I would be stupid to give up those opportunities just because they don’t pay.  What’s your opinion on volunteering?  If I were you I would try to get my money back from whatever website gave you your diploma.”

“We’ll be in touch.”

“Thanks.”

Cue to exit.

But before you can really consider the weight of the question, you have to plan. If you stay, there are clinics, journals, oral advocacy teams – all of which require applications… all of which are due. Like now.

The hardest part of any decision to “stay” and return to law school for a second year is getting the right information. The school has an interest in keeping you coming back for more — they get the tuition. Pretty much everyone you speak to will tell you the first year is the worst (you may even get my personal favorite- “everyone wants to blow their brains out the first year.”) That’s all well and good – but do YOU want to blow your brains out because of the work, or because you realized you made a terrible (and terribly expensive) decision?

I can’t answer that for anyone, not even myself.

To be continued….

There were all kinds of protesters there including those from Code Pink. One of them spat on our 15 year-old intern as he was walking out of the hearing room, which I think is both disgusting and awesome.

Fitness guru Richard Simmons testified in front of the House Education and Labor Committee on Thursday to push for more physical fitness funding for children. In his opening statement, Committee Chairman George Miller (D-CA) said, “the purpose of this hearing is for no reason other than setting the record for the gayest testimony ever.”

During his testimony, Simmons cried, “What have we done?!” along with making some other hysterical statements about how No Child Left Behind made our children fat and grossly avoided the theory that parents should be responsible for the health of their young-ens.